Can you guess??

After one too many rum and cokes last night, you revealed to your wife that not only did you have a mistress but that she cooked better than her. Your wife flew into a jealous rage, picked up a nine iron and smashed the green egg lid to pieces. This made you break down and began bawling like a child. As you laid on the deck in a pool of tears you professed it all a joke and that the mistress was the big green egg. She found that even less funny and took a couple swings at you. But you're spry for your age and held up your phone in defense. The club whacked the phone breaking the flash. So now here you are trying to figure out how to fit your new lid on your egg. :-??