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So Off Topic but inspired by BBQ Snob

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GalanteNate_OneEa
GalanteNate_OneEa Posts: 967
edited August 2014 in EggHead Forum
Don't you hate it when you go to someone's house and they make something that not only wouldn't win any awards but fails on all fields, over smoked, over seasoned, dry as hell, so on and so on, but every person there wants to talk it up like it's the most amazing "Q" they've had, mostly out of ignorance for what BBQ is supposed to taste like, but because BBQ is in and nobody wants to be called out, kinda like "the emperors new clothes". But you know you can't break the persons heart by giving your honest opinion, even though you can't stomach a single bite' cause you know that he knows that your **** rocks and your opinion would crush him. Then comes the part where your friend starts gloating, boasting about the years of dedication and trial and error, and with a little hard work and effort, you too could turn out some serious "Q"...only if you are lucky, as you put your plate down and wind up your back hand, some one waltzes by, grabs a rib, takes a bite, then turns to your friend and calls it as it is. Everyone will see it as some ball busting between friends, but you will know, that he knows, that his **** sucked, and on the inside you smile as you say, it tasted ok to me. For this reason is why I'm my worst critic. And it's funny when my food is good I alway act surprised and ask people, not the best you've ever had but pretty good right? Could use more apple wood, or salt right? Lol Most of the time I'm shaking my head and kicking the dog saying, no you don't understand, this was so f'ing good last time I made it! While people eat it up telling me how great it taste, but I just write them off as the ignorant ones from my buddies picnic who told him his food didn't suck. I don't know where this rant came from, I think I need to be more busy when I'm at work. P.S. Screw you Paul, your ribs sucked! Over seasoned, over smoked, and dry as hell.
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  • cazzy
    cazzy Posts: 9,136
    edited August 2014
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    You think way too much. :P

    That was a fun rant to read though. ;)
    Just a hack that makes some $hitty BBQ....
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  • SmokeyPitt
    SmokeyPitt Posts: 10,490
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    Let's just hope Paul doesn't get an egg and get on the forum ;).  

    Which came first the chicken or the egg?  I egged the chicken and then I ate his leg. 

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  • Hi54putty
    Hi54putty Posts: 1,873
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    Great post.
    XL,L,S 
    Winston-Salem, NC 
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  • EGGjlmh
    EGGjlmh Posts: 816
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    Interesting point about how us eggers are our biggest critics.  You are right on this and myself included.  I am not sure why this is.  When I cook a very good meal I am like you, well maybe more smoke, less salt etc....  I have found out real quick since joining this forum that I am way behind many of the people here as far as the skills go, but that why I enjoy it here because I get so much out of it.  Anyway.......I can see your main point but fortunately my closest coup[le of friends own Eggs!

    1MBGE 2006, 1LBGE 2010, 1 Mini Max, Fathers Day 2015

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  • PNWFoodie
    PNWFoodie Posts: 1,046
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    Actually, unless I'm reading your rant wrong, no...I don't just hate it. I am glad I was given the courtesy of an invite. Could the food be better? Yep. Is the company worth it? In the case of those functions I am invited to (and accept, lol) the answer is yes. Sometimes, there are more important things than the dinner served....no matter how much it sucked. :) Just MHO.
    XL, JR, and more accessories than anyone would ever need near Olympia, WA
    Sandy
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  • cazzy
    cazzy Posts: 9,136
    edited August 2014
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    The egg is a tool, just like a good pan or a great knife. I use it when it's the best tool for the result I'm looking for.

    Regardless of what I'm preparing, I evaluate the entire cook. What could I have done better to make the prep more efficient? Did I present the dish correctly...eye appeal? How balanced was my flavor profile? What did I do wrong? What did I do right? It's all knowledge good or bad. The question and answer to zero in on is what did you do right. Give yourself credit for what you did correctly and don't tweak those steps. Elevate your result next time by fixing the weak points from your previous end result. I.E apple wood didn't work, cut on a bias, cut back salt, add more heat, the dish didn't need x etc.

    Ultimately...unless you have a photographic memory, take notes of your cook.
    Just a hack that makes some $hitty BBQ....
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  • Carolina Q
    Carolina Q Posts: 14,831
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    It's just food, ya know? Lighten up, Francis.

    I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and all I find are ingredients!                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

    Michael 
    Central Connecticut 

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  • SmokeyPitt
    SmokeyPitt Posts: 10,490
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    To be honest I think I've been on the other side of that.  I brought some pulled pork camping once and perhaps I was a little too excited about it because one of my friends made a big deal out of finding a bone in his. I remember thinking maybe I hyped it up too much and he was trying to take me down a peg.  Screw you Steve...you don't get any f*@!in pulled pork next time!!!! 

    Which came first the chicken or the egg?  I egged the chicken and then I ate his leg. 

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  • GalanteNate_OneEa
    GalanteNate_OneEa Posts: 967
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    I seriously LOL'd, twice. That's what this thread was all about, thank you @SmokeyPitt‌
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  • cazzy
    cazzy Posts: 9,136
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    GalanteNate_OneEa said:
    I seriously LOL'd, twice. That's what this thread was all about, thank you @SmokeyPitt‌
    Your post was great!  I was sad when there was nothing left to read.
    Just a hack that makes some $hitty BBQ....
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  • GalanteNate_OneEa
    GalanteNate_OneEa Posts: 967
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    One more for the Lol! Thanks @cazzy‌
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  • Little Steven
    Little Steven Posts: 28,817
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    cazzy said:
    The egg is a tool, just like a good pan or a great knife. I use it when it's the best tool for the result I'm looking for. Regardless of what I'm preparing, I evaluate the entire cook. What could I have done better to make the prep more efficient? Did I present the dish correctly...eye appeal? How balanced was my flavor profile? What did I do wrong? What did I do right? It's all knowledge good or bad. The question and answer to zero in on is what did you do right. Give yourself credit for what you did correctly and don't tweak those steps. Elevate your result next time by fixing the weak points from your previous end result. I.E apple wood didn't work, cut on a bias, cut back salt, add more heat, the dish didn't need x etc. Ultimately...unless you have a photographic memory, take notes of your cook.
    Or when did I have the beer that made me say screw it and blow the presentation entirely.

    Steve 

    Caledon, ON

     

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  • buzd504
    buzd504 Posts: 3,824
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    Little Steven said:
    Or when did I have the beer that made me say screw it and blow the presentation entirely.
    Amen
    NOLA
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  • DMW
    DMW Posts: 13,832
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    Too funny. I was flying solo for a week or this spring and friends of ours invited me over for dinner. I got there and she says to me: "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm cooking meat and I let Matt invite you for dinner". She had tossed a top round roast in the crock pot in the morning. I told her I'm sure it will be fine. It was overcooked and gray throughout, but there was no way she was going to know. I told here it was fine, nothing wrong with it, thanks for inviting me.
    They/Them
    Morgantown, PA

    XL BGE - S BGE - KJ Jr - HB Legacy - BS Pizza Oven - 30" Firepit - King Kooker Fryer -  PR72T - WSJ - BS 17" Griddle - XXL BGE  - BS SS36" Griddle - 2 Burner Gasser - Pellet Smoker
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  • cazzy
    cazzy Posts: 9,136
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    DMW said:

    Too funny. I was flying solo for a week or this spring and friends of ours invited me over for dinner. I got there and she says to me: "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm cooking meat and I let Matt invite you for dinner". She had tossed a top round roast in the crock pot in the morning. I told her I'm sure it will be fine. It was overcooked and gray throughout, but there was no way she was going to know. I told here it was fine, nothing wrong with it, thanks for inviting me.

    Last week, my roommate asked me if I had any rub for wings. I told him what to use and he made about 50 wings for dinner. I got home very late and they were out when I got home. I looked at them and saw they were charred. I knew the rub I told him to use didn't have sugar in it, so I eliminated the possibility of them being caramelized. Had one and put the rest away in the fridge. Disgusting burnt taste.

    He was working, so didn't ask me for feedback. Two days later, we're in the kitchen and I'm eating some chicken he prepared. I say "so about those wings...they got away from you huh". He said "holy ****...they sure did. I've been waiting for you to say something and your silence made it worse".

    If he wasn't a good friend, I would have never said anything.
    Just a hack that makes some $hitty BBQ....
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  • Zmokin
    Zmokin Posts: 1,938
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    I love cooking for potlucks.  And I enjoy cooking Turkey Day dinner (aka Thanksgiving).  And yes I know I get compliments all the time, sometimes I feel I deserve them, sometimes I feel I screwed up and the meal isn't as good as it should have been, and the guests are just being polite. As far as I'm concerned, there is only one correct response to a compliment, whether I deserved it or not, and that is a polite "Thank you".
    Large BGE in a Sole' Gourmet Table
    Using the Black Cast Iron grill, Plate Setter,
     and a BBQ Guru temp controller.

    Medium BGE in custom modified off-road nest.
    Black Cast Iron grill, Plate Setter, and a Party-Q temp controller.

    Location: somewhere West of the Mason-Dixon Line
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  • GalanteNate_OneEa
    GalanteNate_OneEa Posts: 967
    edited August 2014
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    @NoOneSpecificJustSayin Trust me, I have never met a soul that didn't botch a cook. It's not about that at all. God I screw up everyone. I would never walk around and judge people. I have cooked professionally and still know I suck, it's the same reason I don't play guitar anymore, lol, stupid Eric Clapton, I'll never be as good as him. Some people are born good at something, I work at it as hard as I can and still suck lol. With that said I love cooking, any food any style, love it. This was just a fun rant, and I still say, screw you Paul, screw you.
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  • JohnInCarolina
    JohnInCarolina Posts: 30,945
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    My own worst critic as well.  Just when I think I've smoked a great brisket, I remember @cazzy's photo of a slice folding over a knife edge and remember I still have a long way to go.  
    "I've made a note never to piss you two off." - Stike
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  • SmokeyPitt
    SmokeyPitt Posts: 10,490
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    Stupid @Cazzy and his stupid sexy brisket. 

    Which came first the chicken or the egg?  I egged the chicken and then I ate his leg. 

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  • GalanteNate_OneEa
    GalanteNate_OneEa Posts: 967
    edited August 2014
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    Yeah, fu @cazzy you're brisket was over smoked, over seasoned and dry as hell lol! That would be a self loathing rant to make myself feel better lol
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  • cazzy
    cazzy Posts: 9,136
    edited August 2014
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    SmokeyPitt said:

    Stupid @Cazzy and his stupid sexy brisket. 

    Huh :-?















    :-\"
    photo 681a0dc4-4266-4082-89ea-4c24ae24e695_zpsed2a2f07.jpgphoto 2a3d0e03-8aaa-4bd6-a596-2017ff661b54_zps0ff0a6a8.jpg
    photo 9a8f1bc7-f47f-414f-bc98-012deedeecd6_zps8c3252b4.jpgphoto DSC_6221_zps36747150.jpgphoto DSC_6235_zpsd68afb88.jpgphoto DSC_6495_zpsf3270d55.jpgphoto DSC_7124_zpsfc71ae39.jpgphoto DSC_7139_zps058c1b7f.jpgphoto DSC_7366_zpsddb03400.jpgphoto DSC_7369_zps74c4edbb.jpgphoto DSC_7371_zps11f33ada.jpgphoto d013c51f2c2299b6d96e222c55fcab_zpshhhclgdn.jpgphoto Yoda_SWSB_zps7cb5ee3d.jpg
    Just a hack that makes some $hitty BBQ....
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  • JohnInCarolina
    JohnInCarolina Posts: 30,945
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    Goddamnit @cazzy!
    "I've made a note never to piss you two off." - Stike
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  • EGGjlmh
    EGGjlmh Posts: 816
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    @cazzy

    Holy crap that looks good

    1MBGE 2006, 1LBGE 2010, 1 Mini Max, Fathers Day 2015

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  • BYS1981
    BYS1981 Posts: 2,533
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    cazzy said:

    The egg is a tool, just like a good pan or a great knife. I use it when it's the best tool for the result I'm looking for.

    Regardless of what I'm preparing, I evaluate the entire cook. What could I have done better to make the prep more efficient? Did I present the dish correctly...eye appeal? How balanced was my flavor profile? What did I do wrong? What did I do right? It's all knowledge good or bad. The question and answer to zero in on is what did you do right. Give yourself credit for what you did correctly and don't tweak those steps. Elevate your result next time by fixing the weak points from your previous end result. I.E apple wood didn't work, cut on a bias, cut back salt, add more heat, the dish didn't need x etc.

    Ultimately...unless you have a photographic memory, take notes of your cook.

    Exactly why I don't boil water on my egg.
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  • JohnInCarolina
    JohnInCarolina Posts: 30,945
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    BYS1981 said:
    Exactly why I don't boil water on my egg.
    You're missing out! Smoked ice water is DA BOMB!  
    "I've made a note never to piss you two off." - Stike
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  • cazzy
    cazzy Posts: 9,136
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    BYS1981 said:

    cazzy said:

    The egg is a tool, just like a good pan or a great knife. I use it when it's the best tool for the result I'm looking for.

    Regardless of what I'm preparing, I evaluate the entire cook. What could I have done better to make the prep more efficient? Did I present the dish correctly...eye appeal? How balanced was my flavor profile? What did I do wrong? What did I do right? It's all knowledge good or bad. The question and answer to zero in on is what did you do right. Give yourself credit for what you did correctly and don't tweak those steps. Elevate your result next time by fixing the weak points from your previous end result. I.E apple wood didn't work, cut on a bias, cut back salt, add more heat, the dish didn't need x etc.

    Ultimately...unless you have a photographic memory, take notes of your cook.

    Exactly why I don't boil water on my egg.
    What?????? Don't you want to be hardcore bro?
    Just a hack that makes some $hitty BBQ....
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  • EGGjlmh
    EGGjlmh Posts: 816
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    JohnInCarolina said:
    BYS1981 said:
    Exactly why I don't boil water on my egg.
    You're missing out! Smoked ice water is DA BOMB!  

    Actually I like apple wood chunks (chips will do in a pinch).  Smoke the ice water at 250 until all ice is melted.  I occasionally will add just a pinch of black pepper.  For further details, see @cazzy That's where I got the recipe.

    1MBGE 2006, 1LBGE 2010, 1 Mini Max, Fathers Day 2015

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  • BYS1981
    BYS1981 Posts: 2,533
    edited August 2014
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    @cazzy‌ @JohnInCarolina‌ I remember coming in this forum when I had just purchased my egg. I was so excited. I read tons of posts. One day, I was giddy and mentioning stuff I could cook on the egg to my wife. I forget what item we were talking about, maybe lasagna, and my wife responded like... why not do it in the oven? At that point, I saw the ridiculousness wear off.

    I get it, some use the egg as an oven, especially in hot climates, but I am lasagna in the oven type of guy. Another example is the quesadilla.. I can have a cooked one in 3 minutes, no point in even firing the egg for that.
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  • cazzy
    cazzy Posts: 9,136
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    EGGjlmh said:


    JohnInCarolina said:


    BYS1981 said:


    Exactly why I don't boil water on my egg.

    You're missing out! Smoked ice water is DA BOMB!  


    Actually I like apple wood chunks (chips will do in a pinch).  Smoke the ice water at 250 until all ice is melted.  I occasionally will add just a pinch of black pepper.  For further details, see @cazzy That's where I got the recipe.

    That was a secret dude!! b-(
    Just a hack that makes some $hitty BBQ....
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  • EGGjlmh
    EGGjlmh Posts: 816
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    @cazzy

    I am very sorry......I just want these guys to come to realize how talented you are!

    1MBGE 2006, 1LBGE 2010, 1 Mini Max, Fathers Day 2015

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