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OT- The Daily Joke

BotchBotch Posts: 2,742
A SHORT LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on the Indian Pacific train. 

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a nice idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own DAMN blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.
 

The End
 

_____________________________________________
 
Live fast, die young, and leave a well-marbled corpse.  
 
Ogden, Utard.  

Comments

  • gpsegggpsegg Posts: 288
    edited October 2013
    . Very good
    George
    Palm Beach Gardens, Fl and Blue Ridge, Ga.
  • SkiddymarkerSkiddymarker Posts: 6,084
    So true.....
    Delta B.C. - Vee-Gan: old Indian word for poor hunter. 
  • GriffinGriffin Posts: 6,632
    =D>

    Richardson, Texas

    Griffin's Grub or you can find me on Facebook

    The Supreme Potentate, Sovereign Commander and Sultan of Wings

     

  • JRWhiteeJRWhitee Posts: 2,491
    :))
                                                                        
    _________________________________________________

    Large BGE 2006, Mini Max 2014 
    Founding Member of the Green Man Group cooking team.
    Johns Creek, Georgia




  • AviatorAviator Posts: 1,516
    :)) :(( :D

    ______________________________________________ 

    Large and Small BGE, and a baby black Kub.

    And all the toys to make me look like a Gizmo Chef.

    >:)

    Chattanooga, TN.

     

  • GriffinGriffin Posts: 6,632
    My joke for today. An Aggie decides to move from Texas to Oklahoma. The IQs of both states went up.

    Richardson, Texas

    Griffin's Grub or you can find me on Facebook

    The Supreme Potentate, Sovereign Commander and Sultan of Wings

     

  • brycosbrycos Posts: 137
    How they make Holy Water at the Vatican

    They get huge cast iron vats and fill with water from the Jordan River. Then they get olive branches from the Holy Land and start a fire. Then they boil the hell out of it.
  • Dd you hear about the dyslexic that walked into a bra,,,,,,,,,,,,,
    Hendersonville, TN.
  • JRWhiteeJRWhitee Posts: 2,491
    A cow, a pig and a chicken walked into a barbeque restaurant. The End.
                                                                        
    _________________________________________________

    Large BGE 2006, Mini Max 2014 
    Founding Member of the Green Man Group cooking team.
    Johns Creek, Georgia




  • BotchBotch Posts: 2,742
    image
     
    That was Very Wrong.
    But admit it.
    You laughed.  
    _____________________________________________
     
    Live fast, die young, and leave a well-marbled corpse.  
     
    Ogden, Utard.  
  • Little StevenLittle Steven Posts: 26,736
    A father takes his young son to a busy restaurant for breakfast and the are seated at a table that has not been cleaned from the previous customers. A collection of change is still sitting in the cheque tray. While the father is trying to flag a server to have the table cleaned the young boy picks up three nickels from the tip and ingests them.
    The father stands the boy up and pushes on the boy's back and he spits up two of the nickels. No amount of pushing will dislodge the third piece and the father resorts to the Heimlich maneuver to no avail.
    A be-speckled woman dressed in a business suit hears the commotion and looks over. She sets down her coffee and neatly folds her newspaper, gets up and walks toward the scene.
    On arrival she kneels down, unzips the boys trousers and takes hold of his private parts and starts gently squeezing and tugging.
    Nothing happens and she strengthens her grip and increases the pulling force.
    The boy still does not respond. She increases her grip to the point that his future manhood is in jeopardy at pulls with all the force she can muster.
    The boy coughs violently and the obstruction ejects from his mouth with the speed of a bullet.
    In an amazing display of speed and grace she picks the projectile out of mid air with two fingers and deftly drops it in to her blazer pocket.
    After making sure his son is alright the father goes quickly to the woman's table and says "Madam, I can not thank you enough for saving my boy! I have never seen anything like that! Are you a doctor or emergency responder?"
    She looks up at him and says "No sir, I am with the IRS"

    Steve 

    Caledon, ON

     

  • BotchBotch Posts: 2,742
    This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
    Every morning
    she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…….............…..”
    _____________________________________________
     
    Live fast, die young, and leave a well-marbled corpse.  
     
    Ogden, Utard.  
  • BotchBotch Posts: 2,742
    image
    _____________________________________________
     
    Live fast, die young, and leave a well-marbled corpse.  
     
    Ogden, Utard.  
  • Hungry JoeHungry Joe Posts: 970
    edited October 2013

    Read carefully.

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    Haha-gotcha-1684.jpg
    600 x 450 - 51K
  • SmokeyPittSmokeyPitt Posts: 5,131

    Read carefully.

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    image
    Wow!  That was almost like a magic trick.  I seriously thought for a second it was a GIF and it had changed!  


    Which came first the chicken or the egg?  I egged the chicken and then I ate his leg wing. 
    2014 Wing King's Apprentice
  • BotchBotch Posts: 2,742
    image
    _____________________________________________
     
    Live fast, die young, and leave a well-marbled corpse.  
     
    Ogden, Utard.  
  • BotchBotch Posts: 2,742
    image
    _____________________________________________
     
    Live fast, die young, and leave a well-marbled corpse.  
     
    Ogden, Utard.  
  • BotchBotch Posts: 2,742
    Bad Morning
     

     

    :))
    _____________________________________________
     
    Live fast, die young, and leave a well-marbled corpse.  
     
    Ogden, Utard.  
  • lakewadelakewade Posts: 370
    A Christmas Shopping Love Story

    A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.

    As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around.

    She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

    In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

    The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."

    He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."



    -----------
    I feel a whole lot more like I do now than I did when I got here.
  • Two cannibals are eating a clown for dinner.  One looks up at the other and says........

     

     

    This taste funny to you?

    _________________________________________________________________________________________

    Johnson, Navin R... Sounds like a typical bastard.

     

    Belmont, NC

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