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Help persuading my right hand

To allow me to buy a big green egg. I've tried to convince shalonda(see I named my hand after a black person, no racism here)

But so far she says no. I want to spend $1000 like the rest of you so I can be cool. Thoughts on how to talk her into it?
P's the more I drink whiskey, the more you people become attractive. I think my left hand will be called can tex or mountaindewbass. Leaning towards mdb so I can make mdb kiss a black person(right hand)

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