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Juvenile, Jr high, crude post...

henapplehenapple Posts: 14,965
The topic came up on chicken or turkey breast today. I don't have much to add to the forum but I'm willing to share what little knowledge I have. At almost 50 I've had some experience with breast so I'll share these "tips".

When you go to choose a breast the first thing is visual. Take time to look... Not at the the first one but look at several. Looking comes first.
Next comes inspection. After eyeing what you want, feel the breast. Like goldilocks you need not too hard, too soft but just right. Even the noob will realize when you find it. Go ahead and feel it. Don't molest it just feel it for the correct firmness.
Many breast are marked as young.. Assuming the others are old, stay clear. I've found old one's come out flat. The old ones will need a lot of support on the egg.
No matter how you get your breast home, do it quickly.
Next comes unwrapping and prep. Slowly unwrap the breast. You'll really get a true look at what you brought home. Let it breathe... Don't just start right in. Be patient.
Usually they're pretty tender so there's no need to be rough.
Now take a little oil and rub it gently on the breast. Again, don't get in a hurry. Most guys seem to lack patience while some women don't. If you need some special flavoring most anything will do.
Now you're ready. Oh, before you get it on be sure to look for a small circle we with a red dot in the center. You'll need to pull this. If you've already oiled the breast your hand may slip off but keep pulling. Be gentle so you don't damage anything.
One last thing. Choose a naturally grown breast. You don't want one injected with chemicals just to make it look better.
After you finally get it on the egg enjoy a beverage a look back on how great the experience was. You'll find yourself looking forward to the next time.

Hope these pointers help.
Green egg, dead animal and alcohol. The "Boro".. TN 


  • caneggercanegger Posts: 540
    That was hilarious. Love it
  • Little StevenLittle Steven Posts: 27,577

    swinehund... but is it art?


    Caledon, ON


  • Doc_EggertonDoc_Eggerton Posts: 4,567

    XLBGE X 2, LBGE, MBGE and lots of toys

  • cazzycazzy Posts: 8,544
    edited May 2013
    Classic! =))
    Just a hack that makes some $hitty BBQ....
  • GA_DawgsGA_Dawgs Posts: 273
    Hahaha, that's great! =))
  • MickeyMickey Posts: 16,660
    You are a sick puppy, but I really like you :-??
    Salado TX Egg Family: 2 Large and a very well used Mini, just added a Mini Max (I'm good for now). 

  • Mattman3969Mattman3969 Posts: 5,426
    Too funny!!


    2008 -Large BGE. 2013- Small BGE and 2015 - Mini. Henderson, Ky.
  • wait a minute @henapple. Weren't you the one calling out Juvenile, Jr. High, Crude Posts a month or two ago???
    Killen, AL (The Shoals)
    XL, Small, Minimax, and Mini BGEs
  • henapplehenapple Posts: 14,965
    That was merely sarcasm.
    Green egg, dead animal and alcohol. The "Boro".. TN 
  • chris123stockchris123stock Posts: 664
    your the best thanks. I will take your advice and use it wisely.
  • setdahooksetdahook Posts: 155
    Painfully funny!!!!
  • shtgunal3shtgunal3 Posts: 2,902
    You are wise beyond your years, Mr. Henapple



     LBGE,SBGE, and a mini makes three......Sweet home Alabama........ Stay thirsty my friends .

  • Fred19FlintstoneFred19Flintstone Posts: 5,871
    I am fed up with the sophomoric crap that passes for humor around here!  This used to be a much more friendlier place.  I'm outtta here!


    Shangri la where life is beautiful and everybody's happy.

  • SmokeyPittSmokeyPitt Posts: 7,570
    edited May 2013
    Can you apply these same techniques to legs and thighs?  

    I'm assuming you want to start with the lower part of the legs and work your way up, slowly moving up to the thighs. 

    Which came first the chicken or the egg?  I egged the chicken and then I ate his leg. 

  • henapplehenapple Posts: 14,965
    Maybe it was the Woodford but I forgot one very important thing. Post pictures... Lots of them. No pictures... It didn't happen.
    Green egg, dead animal and alcohol. The "Boro".. TN 
  • NDGNDG Posts: 1,343
    HA did not think I would read the whole thing . . but I did & it was pretty funny!

    My fav line "look for a small circle we with a red dot in the center. You'll need to pull this"
    Columbus, Ohio
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