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I'm still confused
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I posted this on the original site..but it's not over here. I'm still confused by all this..remember I'm a stump..heck if it wasn't for my tent in the early mornin i'd nevah no what way wuz up..sum times i think this technology is juss plane passin me by...anyway...heres my post what was on the other forum what neva made it here or somethin..
Michael the Challenged,
I got nuttin real to add to this thred cept to say that for the past too hole days I had a hair across my ass the size of a twisted french kruller. Don't ask me how I no that neither, I mean its won of them things you aint autta nevah have to actually put it there to no what it feels like. Yesterday started out great...I put a big ole hunk of beef on mine egg evin though it was a goober shrinkin 7 degrees or somethin out there. I felt like ifn anybody whos nobody was to see me then what with no pants on wood for shore prolly call me eetha Acorn Paulie or Turtle Head for maybe weeks or somethin..anyway I went back inside an started takin down the christmas tree..now I should point out that I aint like none otha folks what take down their trees..an it had nuttin to do with my new turtle head none neetha..it's just that I aint watered this tree for somethin like weeks..and it was drier than grampas air biskits..least before his prollem what made him hafta ware them man dipers...I'll tell you what...first of all you'd never think you'd wish you had them drie air biskits back..an secondly..them folks what make them man dipers i gess don't realize them wood be used on ole folks what mite maybe have some things what is so dog gonned tired of hangin round they was makin a beeline for the floor for some rest an whatnot..aint nuttin worse than seein a man in dipers sweepin the floor when he walks I'll tell you what..cept maybe for too otha things...the first time we let the cat in the same room as grampa when he first got the diaper and the stupid thing thinks they his somethin what autta be batted round...and stuck to both like velcro..oh..yea..thats the otha thing..folks what say nevah declaw a cat aint nevah hadda grampa with tired goobers and man dipers...period..the otha thing is when grampa got goin real quick least for him..and hit one of the door thresh holds with his tired cat toys...grampas eyes was sometimes inches deep in his eye sockets for moss of three years now..cept for when that cat finally caught his rug trawlin cat toys and he hit the door thresh hole that day..my god ifn he had glasses I'm guessin his eyeballs wooda hit the inside of his lens is for shore..anyway..whare wuz I...oh yes..so the meat is on the egg...i'm back in the howse..and the turtle hed is finally comin out..this is the point whare ifn i was nakid before and some won did see me..id now be yellin..oh yea..call me acorn paulie NOW!..anyhow like i sed i aint like otha folks when they take down their trees....I bring in a barrel from outside..take some prune in sheers..and cut the thing to pieces..and stick it in the barrel...this way I aint gotta deal with a trail of needles thr the howse and out the door..plus...since I gotta bring the tree to the dump to recycle it.....it's in the barrel all ready an whatnot..so..here I was half weigh through that tree coverd in needles when the phone rang..it's a hed hunter and he asked ifn I kood be at a company 2 hours ride from my house three hours from now..for any what no's nuttin bout math that means I had somehtin like less than an hower to get reddy..plus..here i is with a tree half cut up...the egg rolling away...an kids comin home in 4 howers. What'd I do? Faster than my sista beulah can pull her teeth out...I is on the phone thing callin in my mother in law..an I splained to her the situation bout not only the tree but the roast two..anyway..I left the tree half cut up..ran out side and grabbed the roast what had been smokin for maybe 3 howers at this point...brought it inside and threw it in a crockpot with some stock and some veggies real quick..and got dressed...lucky for me my tie was still tied from when my uncle carl **** the bed an we hadda funeral for home..lucky me I wuz the one what found him and got to keep his fake teeth..its sorta a tradishun in mine family..to this day I still use them to crimp my pies closed...nobody whats nobody makes a betta pie edge than me..an I aint easliy gonna give up the secret neetha...them folks what stare at my pie in amazement don't gotta no how it got done none..nevah...anyway..the mother in law comes ovah..the tree is half cut down, grampas furry cat toy stabbin sharp pined needles all ova the floor..nuttin i kood do but to leave it all like that. It wuz tuff to leave in such a hurry..an leave it all in that shape an whatnot an I don't mine tellin you I was a little frazzled the ress of the day but when I came home from the interview, what went good i herd..cept now they want me to rite a essay bout somethin..****..like i kin rite like that..bet they want them paragrafs two..im in trubble for shore..but when I got home the pot roast was done and my mom in law..with the help of won of my youngins..had finished cuttin up the tree and cleaned up all them grampas furry cat toy stabbin sharp pined needles an all the ress of the tree was outside inna barrel reddy fore the dump...now i shore gotta hand it to my mom-in-law..bein kallt outta the blew like that and jumpin in an helpin out so that maybe I kin may be git me a job..plus finishin cuttin up the tree and all that..i tole her to juss leave it be and i'd maybe finish it when i got home..but she did it nowhow..bless her self...i'm plum tired..feel like i bin typin for 10 minits may be more if i lookt at the clock...i gotta go an start that essay..i'm tired of bein home...it's bin maybe three months now..an if'n i see my sista beulah nakid juss one more time I may go bline..the first time I thought she was warin a hairy tutu...now i aint so shore..she walked cross the tv when i wuz watchin the cops show...to see if it wuz the won with my cousin Billy onnit..and all the static pulled her fur ova to won side an i seen her axe wound..clear as day..lordy if that evah happens agin i don't care how big that guys axe is I'm gonna hunt him down an put a hurtin on him somethin fierce..nobody autta hafta walk round needin so much fur just cuz their axe wound is the size of a giant sea clam..that aint rite..I mean juss cuz of that she gotta ware really big gramma undies..momma cant evin put them out to dry cuz they is so big they act like big ole kites and pullt down the clothes line three times..plus since she got all that goin on folks in town say things like they kood serve tea on her ass or maybe rent it out for a bill bored or somethin....
anyway....good luck with the egg..but remember this...afore I started cooking onna egg...i neva rote nuttin..now look at me...i gotta rite a hole essay al by mine self...the egg changes a man for shore...
StumpBaby
Michael the Challenged,
I got nuttin real to add to this thred cept to say that for the past too hole days I had a hair across my ass the size of a twisted french kruller. Don't ask me how I no that neither, I mean its won of them things you aint autta nevah have to actually put it there to no what it feels like. Yesterday started out great...I put a big ole hunk of beef on mine egg evin though it was a goober shrinkin 7 degrees or somethin out there. I felt like ifn anybody whos nobody was to see me then what with no pants on wood for shore prolly call me eetha Acorn Paulie or Turtle Head for maybe weeks or somethin..anyway I went back inside an started takin down the christmas tree..now I should point out that I aint like none otha folks what take down their trees..an it had nuttin to do with my new turtle head none neetha..it's just that I aint watered this tree for somethin like weeks..and it was drier than grampas air biskits..least before his prollem what made him hafta ware them man dipers...I'll tell you what...first of all you'd never think you'd wish you had them drie air biskits back..an secondly..them folks what make them man dipers i gess don't realize them wood be used on ole folks what mite maybe have some things what is so dog gonned tired of hangin round they was makin a beeline for the floor for some rest an whatnot..aint nuttin worse than seein a man in dipers sweepin the floor when he walks I'll tell you what..cept maybe for too otha things...the first time we let the cat in the same room as grampa when he first got the diaper and the stupid thing thinks they his somethin what autta be batted round...and stuck to both like velcro..oh..yea..thats the otha thing..folks what say nevah declaw a cat aint nevah hadda grampa with tired goobers and man dipers...period..the otha thing is when grampa got goin real quick least for him..and hit one of the door thresh holds with his tired cat toys...grampas eyes was sometimes inches deep in his eye sockets for moss of three years now..cept for when that cat finally caught his rug trawlin cat toys and he hit the door thresh hole that day..my god ifn he had glasses I'm guessin his eyeballs wooda hit the inside of his lens is for shore..anyway..whare wuz I...oh yes..so the meat is on the egg...i'm back in the howse..and the turtle hed is finally comin out..this is the point whare ifn i was nakid before and some won did see me..id now be yellin..oh yea..call me acorn paulie NOW!..anyhow like i sed i aint like otha folks when they take down their trees....I bring in a barrel from outside..take some prune in sheers..and cut the thing to pieces..and stick it in the barrel...this way I aint gotta deal with a trail of needles thr the howse and out the door..plus...since I gotta bring the tree to the dump to recycle it.....it's in the barrel all ready an whatnot..so..here I was half weigh through that tree coverd in needles when the phone rang..it's a hed hunter and he asked ifn I kood be at a company 2 hours ride from my house three hours from now..for any what no's nuttin bout math that means I had somehtin like less than an hower to get reddy..plus..here i is with a tree half cut up...the egg rolling away...an kids comin home in 4 howers. What'd I do? Faster than my sista beulah can pull her teeth out...I is on the phone thing callin in my mother in law..an I splained to her the situation bout not only the tree but the roast two..anyway..I left the tree half cut up..ran out side and grabbed the roast what had been smokin for maybe 3 howers at this point...brought it inside and threw it in a crockpot with some stock and some veggies real quick..and got dressed...lucky for me my tie was still tied from when my uncle carl **** the bed an we hadda funeral for home..lucky me I wuz the one what found him and got to keep his fake teeth..its sorta a tradishun in mine family..to this day I still use them to crimp my pies closed...nobody whats nobody makes a betta pie edge than me..an I aint easliy gonna give up the secret neetha...them folks what stare at my pie in amazement don't gotta no how it got done none..nevah...anyway..the mother in law comes ovah..the tree is half cut down, grampas furry cat toy stabbin sharp pined needles all ova the floor..nuttin i kood do but to leave it all like that. It wuz tuff to leave in such a hurry..an leave it all in that shape an whatnot an I don't mine tellin you I was a little frazzled the ress of the day but when I came home from the interview, what went good i herd..cept now they want me to rite a essay bout somethin..****..like i kin rite like that..bet they want them paragrafs two..im in trubble for shore..but when I got home the pot roast was done and my mom in law..with the help of won of my youngins..had finished cuttin up the tree and cleaned up all them grampas furry cat toy stabbin sharp pined needles an all the ress of the tree was outside inna barrel reddy fore the dump...now i shore gotta hand it to my mom-in-law..bein kallt outta the blew like that and jumpin in an helpin out so that maybe I kin may be git me a job..plus finishin cuttin up the tree and all that..i tole her to juss leave it be and i'd maybe finish it when i got home..but she did it nowhow..bless her self...i'm plum tired..feel like i bin typin for 10 minits may be more if i lookt at the clock...i gotta go an start that essay..i'm tired of bein home...it's bin maybe three months now..an if'n i see my sista beulah nakid juss one more time I may go bline..the first time I thought she was warin a hairy tutu...now i aint so shore..she walked cross the tv when i wuz watchin the cops show...to see if it wuz the won with my cousin Billy onnit..and all the static pulled her fur ova to won side an i seen her axe wound..clear as day..lordy if that evah happens agin i don't care how big that guys axe is I'm gonna hunt him down an put a hurtin on him somethin fierce..nobody autta hafta walk round needin so much fur just cuz their axe wound is the size of a giant sea clam..that aint rite..I mean juss cuz of that she gotta ware really big gramma undies..momma cant evin put them out to dry cuz they is so big they act like big ole kites and pullt down the clothes line three times..plus since she got all that goin on folks in town say things like they kood serve tea on her ass or maybe rent it out for a bill bored or somethin....
anyway....good luck with the egg..but remember this...afore I started cooking onna egg...i neva rote nuttin..now look at me...i gotta rite a hole essay al by mine self...the egg changes a man for shore...
StumpBaby
Comments
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I saw the original here on the new site. How long did it take to come up with & post that story?
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Prolly ten maybe fifteen minutes..hard to say..I sit down..start typin one thing..an stuff just happens..sort of rolls outta mine giant cranium into the keyboard...next thing I know I'm sittin and starin at pages of nuttin bout nuttin..then i have to decide none if nobody wood wanna read it or nuttin...so some times I write it an nevah send it thinkin maybe my thinkin is juss plane not rite...I dont wanna have folks think i aint rite inna hed or some thin..thatd be aw full
Stumpbaby -
Stump,
As always; very insightful and funny! Good to see you post again!
Mitch -
Wasn't sure about all that stuff...
morning, GG -
timely, post, buddy. i was talkin about Ulysses, and gotta say, yer stuff is closer to Joyce than anything else.
no exaggeration, either!ed egli avea del cul fatto trombetta -Dante -
dang.
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Stump,
That wore me out reading it. -RP -
I guess I gotta take you fer yore word on that won..only cuz it didnt make no sense to me...otha than that..i think you is prolly rite
StumpBaby -
I dont think i kooda said it any more betta than that mine self.
My brutha wonce callt me an impadermick gangleon...that boy wasnt rite inna hed..heck i koodnt evin fine the word inna dictionerry momma had...an i tride three times at leest..only cuz he callt me it three times I gess...still...the third time it wudn't there neetha...i dont think them dictionerrys get updated very fast..heck..howd they know it was kept unda mommas bed or not..but i gess they muss have their ways..them bein smart as they is to rite all them words inna firs place...
Stumpbaby -
Would that be your brother LOG who called you an impadermick gangleon?
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Stump!
Welcome back. Your essays are loaded with wisdom and insight. How's your sister been? Might you and she be coming to the New Hampshire Egg Fest in June?
How's your back doing? -
If'in his stuff is close to Joyce then that girl better git her and her axe wound on down the road for'in Stumps woman gits home! LOL!!!
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Stumpbaby,
You have an active, confirmed, profile on the new forum with last visit of 1/3/08. So, a couple of weeks ago, you were able to login. Are you unable to login now? -
I'm a Stump...
I kin type in inglish for some thin like a whole fifteen minutes strate out..no miss takes or nuttin..but rememba a username anna password?...thats a tuff won..heck I can't evin rememba what I done had for breakfast an at least part of it is still stuck in won of mine too last molars...but afta a while...everything tastes like chicken..so that don't help none neetha...on the otha hand...I just logged in to post this...but it took me somethin like more than fore or five tries afore i got it rite..dependin on what hand i count it with...
Thanks for all it is what it is what you do for us here folks...i just gotta get usta this new forum...its skarin the majeebers outta me..
StumpBaby -
Yep..he an the other fore brothas..they done callt me moren that too...but nuttin beats the time I had me a dirt bike reck and I dun busted open mine arm rite down to the bone..I come home and my brutha mike..the oldest won..was out on the back porch eatin pepperoncini's from a jar..he askt to see my cut real close..and when I let him, faster than i kood move he done smashed a pepperonci rite inna mine open wound..I'll tell you what..you actually can scream so loud you can't hear it..so ifn thats what he was afta...i gess it worked..he did laff like hell too...but for some reason i didnt......corse that's the day I decided ifn i was gonna ride dirt bikes I was always gonna ware two underwares...some days won aint nuff..so i gess I did learn somethin from it afta all..
StumpBaby -
If there is gonna be a New Hampshire EggFest I'd be there fore shore. Can't say much bout my sistah Beulah or not..mostly it depens on ifn her ack knee is actin up..she gets them bumbs onna her face wonce inna wile wat'd make a train take a dirt rode..poppa says when that happens she autta aint be seen in public less folks think he done mated witha buffarilla whatever the heck that is..sometimes I feel like puttin all mine pennies togetha and buyin poppa a pick sure book of animals..i spect maybe thare aint neetha nuttin callt a buffarilla..mostly cuz when I herd him say that to grampa..bout Beulah..grampa lafft till it sounded like he was chokin onna clam neck or somethin..the way I see it.. grampa madeit all the way to the ateth grade..an seein as poppa didnt evin makeit to the sevinth..i figure they must be teachin bout animals inna ateth grade....so grampa knows thare prolly isn't no buffarilla none....but I kood be all rong an it woodnt be the firss time neetha...all i know is when Beulahs got them bumps onna her face, we aint none of us evin gonna kiss her neva mine take her out in public...buffarilla or no buffarilla...
StumpBaby -
Two underwares? I thought you always wore two underwares.
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Good to have you back Stump. Hope the back is feeling better and the people liked your "essay" enough yesterday to make a employment offer.
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And you wunda why it is i'm such a hit with the lady folks?
StumpBaby
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