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Fifty Shades of Bacon...
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It really IS a cookbook... with 50 different bacon recipes, that you could do on the egg... But might lead to interesting discussions if you leave it laying on the coffee table. 
I had just signed the contract today and now I am naked; kneeling in the corner of Hamastasia Pink’s red kitchen. She had ordered me to look at the floor, so all I am doing is sitting here waiting and looking down. I am scared, excited and thrilled all at the same time. Most of all, however, I am hungry.
My youth was spent in a strict vegan colony and Hamastasia is the first to show me the pleasures of pork. Now, I, Benjamin Bradly Queue, am a slave to my mistress and her kitchen...here to learn about the Fifty Shades of Bacon. With my eyes down, I hear her walking toward me. Finally, I see her girthy ankles and slightly swollen feet place themselves right in front of me.
“Are you ready to begin, Mr. BBQ?” she asks.
“Yes.” Suddenly, I see a swift hand arch down with a plastic spatula and strike me on the leg. Hamastasia’s time as an Olympic shotputter was very evident and her strong hand shows who runs this kitchen. “Yes, what?” she asks.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Good.... good. You are learning.”
My eyes are still pointing down and then my mistress drops it. A large package of Bacon falls between my legs. She extends a scissors and tells me to open the package. I follow her directions. After I have the package open, Hamastasia says, “Stand up Mr. BBQ and make your way to the stove top. Lay the Bacon on the griddle and turn it up to medium high. Remain standing there.” I follow her directions.
She continues speaking to me and telling me about the recipes we will make, but I am too busy thinking about the meal that will follow....
I had just signed the contract today and now I am naked; kneeling in the corner of Hamastasia Pink’s red kitchen. She had ordered me to look at the floor, so all I am doing is sitting here waiting and looking down. I am scared, excited and thrilled all at the same time. Most of all, however, I am hungry.
My youth was spent in a strict vegan colony and Hamastasia is the first to show me the pleasures of pork. Now, I, Benjamin Bradly Queue, am a slave to my mistress and her kitchen...here to learn about the Fifty Shades of Bacon. With my eyes down, I hear her walking toward me. Finally, I see her girthy ankles and slightly swollen feet place themselves right in front of me.
“Are you ready to begin, Mr. BBQ?” she asks.
“Yes.” Suddenly, I see a swift hand arch down with a plastic spatula and strike me on the leg. Hamastasia’s time as an Olympic shotputter was very evident and her strong hand shows who runs this kitchen. “Yes, what?” she asks.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Good.... good. You are learning.”
My eyes are still pointing down and then my mistress drops it. A large package of Bacon falls between my legs. She extends a scissors and tells me to open the package. I follow her directions. After I have the package open, Hamastasia says, “Stand up Mr. BBQ and make your way to the stove top. Lay the Bacon on the griddle and turn it up to medium high. Remain standing there.” I follow her directions.
She continues speaking to me and telling me about the recipes we will make, but I am too busy thinking about the meal that will follow....
San Diego, CA - Where I've mastered Curmudgeon..working on Recluse.
Comments
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I think there is a picture of @henapple in that book. Who has it?XLBGE, Small BGE, Homebrew and GuitarsRochester, NY
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Also
No Name City, just between Scottsbluff and Mitchell, NE Crown! More Crown!
Egg: 1 Large with 18" BGE CI Grid, Plate Setter, Lg V-Rack
Maverick ET-73 and Bear Paws
Eggheads Everywhere Map
Eggheads Everywhere Stat Sheet
Barbecue is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen -
Nice. I need that book
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Couldn't get this to post last night on my iPad, so I'll try it today from work.
No Name City, just between Scottsbluff and Mitchell, NE Crown! More Crown!
Egg: 1 Large with 18" BGE CI Grid, Plate Setter, Lg V-Rack
Maverick ET-73 and Bear Paws
Eggheads Everywhere Map
Eggheads Everywhere Stat Sheet
Barbecue is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen -
I just found it on Amazon and the bacon one too.tkleager said:Couldn't get this to post last night on my iPad, so I'll try it today from work.XL, WSM, Coleman Road Trip Gas GrillKansas City, Mo. -
@Ladeback69 - a good friend of mine works for Pilgrims Pride (US's largest chicken producer) says that got passed around the office a while back and it is a pretty good book. I think it would make a good coffee table book.
No Name City, just between Scottsbluff and Mitchell, NE Crown! More Crown!
Egg: 1 Large with 18" BGE CI Grid, Plate Setter, Lg V-Rack
Maverick ET-73 and Bear Paws
Eggheads Everywhere Map
Eggheads Everywhere Stat Sheet
Barbecue is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen -
I found this one on Amazon too.
XL, WSM, Coleman Road Trip Gas GrillKansas City, Mo. -
The opening makes me feel a little uneasy and excited all at the same time...
LBGE - Nov/'14A Texan residing in Denver, CO. -
I can't figure out how to post a video. Duh. This link will take you to the 50 Shades of Chicken book trailer. Funny if you've read any of 50 Shades of Grey.
http://youtu.be/Oa3eC02delM
Large BGE
Greenville, SC -
No Name City, just between Scottsbluff and Mitchell, NE Crown! More Crown!
Egg: 1 Large with 18" BGE CI Grid, Plate Setter, Lg V-Rack
Maverick ET-73 and Bear Paws
Eggheads Everywhere Map
Eggheads Everywhere Stat Sheet
Barbecue is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen
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