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OT - Where to Retire?

Carolina QCarolina Q Posts: 12,022
edited 2:14PM in EggHead Forum
Since there seem to be a number of folks here from the areas mentioned below, I thought some of you might get a kick out of this. There are even a few foodie references. :) My personal favorite is, "Granola". :laugh:

Anyway - where to retire?

You can retire to Phoenix where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You may experience condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: barely tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (assuming you even have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Wisconsin where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You'll never meet any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR

FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cold is anything below 80°.
6. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and all I find are ingredients!

                                                            …Unknown

Michael 
Central Connecticut 

Comments

  • After todays snow I would take anywhere warm.
  • loco_engrloco_engr Posts: 3,673
    You can add this to the Phoenix list:

    Asphalt has an liquid state!

    Got that from a friend in southern AZ! :woohoo:
  • BeliBeli Posts: 10,751
    Michael I don't plan to retire but if I ever get tired of things i'll take my eggs & cook all day by th beach in Bora Bora :laugh:
  • HossHoss Posts: 14,600
    :laugh: Good One Q!
  • 2Fategghead2Fategghead Posts: 9,623
    :laugh:
  • Little StevenLittle Steven Posts: 28,742
    Michael,

    Funny I see no area of Canada on the list. :)

    Steve

    Steve 

    Caledon, ON

     

  • Carolina QCarolina Q Posts: 12,022
    Dude - who retires to Canada? :laugh: Though the listed options don't sound so good either, do they? :laugh:

    I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and all I find are ingredients!

                                                                …Unknown

    Michael 
    Central Connecticut 

  • Little StevenLittle Steven Posts: 28,742
    You freeze yer but off but don't have to pay massive health care premiums. Victoria BC is one of the prime spots in the world.

    Steve 

    Caledon, ON

     

  • Carolina QCarolina Q Posts: 12,022
    Actually, BC does look pretty good. :)

    I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and all I find are ingredients!

                                                                …Unknown

    Michael 
    Central Connecticut 

  • Little StevenLittle Steven Posts: 28,742
    It is damp. Gorgeous but damp. Doesn't get really cold but feels like it.

    Steve 

    Caledon, ON

     

  • BeliBeli Posts: 10,751
    Any tropical beaches around there my little one? :P
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